"Home Sweet Home"

Where exactly is my home?

I don't know anymore.

I lived in Millington for, like, I don't know 14 years or something close to that. So, Millington's home then, right? Wrong. This is my first time back since I left, and yeah, it's only been two months, but there's something so...off about being here. Something feels weird. I don't feel like I'm at "home." On that same note though, Knoxville isn't my home either. When I'm there, sure, I'm content, I can do what I want, I see people I care about, etc. But, it's just not home. Or maybe I'm just like everyone else and will be consistently unsatisfied and always want something more for my whole life. Why is that, anyway? Why can I not just be happy, why can't anyone just be happy? Why is it human nature to always crave what we don't have and dispose of what we once wanted. Kind of a disgusting thought, but it happens. All the time.

So, this home issue that's reeling in my head is spawning other thoughts.

Where is my home going to be when I'm "grown up."

When will I become a "grown up?"

Do you grow up once you've graduated high school? College?

Once you have a "real" job? What is a real job?

What's going to happen in my life, I want to know.

I really dream of having this ideal, stable life with a nice house and a nice car.

Will that happen? Lord, who knows? I don't know.

I think for now I will continue to live the life of an unstable, unsure, college student.

I'm making huge mistakes everyday, but that's alright.

We all just need to keep telling ourselves that every thing's gonna be alright. Every little thing, it's gonna be alright.

(:

Goodnight, it's time to sleep in my own bed again.

Oh, amazing.

"It Scares the Hell Out of Me"

This video says everything I want to say today.

Amazing. Simply amazing.

"Walkin' Tall Against the Rain"

I am the most ungrateful person on the planet. There are so many people who never stop trying to help me out, and I never say thank you. Or I do, but it isn't enough. I am always so caught up in my own life, I forget about those who make it better. I get so frustrated at the people bringing me down or hurting me, I ignore those that love me. I'm so sorry. I have the most spectacular people in my life. My family, my (real) friends, my puppies, my (past & present) teachers, God, and strangers that smile at me. Thank you all so much, I'm going to pull my head out of my butt now and appreciate all that you do for me. I am endlessly apologetic to you all. Without you, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be me. I would be lost, even though sometimes I think I am still, I know I'm not. I'm exactly where I am supposed to be right now, or else I wouldn't be here. I want to express my deepest sympathy for not being there for you when you were there for me. I am forgiving myself, and I want you to forgive me, too.

Point blank:

I love you. I wouldn't be the person I am or the person I'm growing to be without you. Thank you so much.

Spicy Tuna Roll & Diet Green Tea

This is without a doubt the breakfast (well, lunch) of champs.

Just sayin'. It's delicious.

Moving on.

I've always been one of those "ugh-i-hate-all-things-Monday" kinda gals.

Today, though, has been utterly spectacular for no real reasons.

I passed a math exam, maybe that was it.

The last few weeks out here, I've had some kind of down moments.

Maybe I'm tired of just feeling down, I don't know.

But, I do know that I'm done with that.

Life is crazy and unstable, but that's the beauty of being young,

nothing is forever, and nothing is certain.

Everything changes, it's time to embrace that.

For me, anyway.

"The glass is half full."

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

The Journey Continues- Mark Brown & Sarah Cracknell

"Then the rain came down... teardrops

Then the rain came down

I hope it doesn't rain all day

I know, now you know

What we're gonna do about everything"

This song is one of my favorites.

Ironically, I love to listen to it when it rains, mainly because when it rains, I'm kind of blue.

It helps me remember that, hey, you know what? It's gonna be okay, and I know it.

You know it. We both know it.

Speaking of rain, though, word is that poor Memphis has had it for eight nonstop days, sorry ya'll.

It's been raining here, too, though. Just not as bad.

I actually kind of like walking around this place in the rain.

Have I mentioned that Knoxville is gorgeous?

I really wish that I didn't have to go so far from home for such a lovely scenery.

I mean, sure, Memphis is decent I suppose.

But to me, nothing beats the mountains in one direction, the city in the other, and grass and trees galore.

Do you agree? Or are you a city-slicker through and through?

I thought I was a while ago, but you know,

things change.

So, anyway. I digress. This is random and rambling.

But, the rain's still pouring down,

and the teardrops are gone for the night.

What are we going to do about everything?

The Distance Isn't Killing Me.

I miss days and nights of nothing but photographs.

We captured every perfect moment of our lives that summer.

Restlessly, I surf back through the images on a big screen,

I don't even know those people anymore.

I don't know what happened to me, to you, to them.

We all changed, did we grow up?

Forgive me for what I did and said, I just had to get out.

Moving on, moving away, it was the best plan at the time.

Now, I just miss you.

Time zones, county lines, and area codes separate what we had.

I don't regret any of it anymore.

"Everything happens for a reason,"

you said as I drove out of my driveway.

I didn't tell you then, so I'll say it now.

Goodbye, good luck, and I love you.